El ático de América

Ver Warehouse 13 es como pasar las vacaciones en las golfas en la buardilla de la vieja casa de tu abuela. Es divertido, emocionante, tiene un agradable punto de antiguo e histórico, y hace que los días sean más felices.

Artie: Welcome to Warehouse 13. I’d like to think of it as America’s attic.

Warehouse 13

Adoro el amacén. Vendería mi alma a Snooki por pasar unas vacaciones allí. Me fascinan los cacharritos mágicos que guardan, y me divierte muchísimo que toda mente brillante de la historia de la humanidad haya poseído un artefacto sobrenatural, desde el espejo de Lewis Carroll o la pluma de Edgar Allan Poe a la cámara de Man Ray, pasando por el siempre imprescindible Farnsworth, que ya tenía cámara frontal bastante antes de que saliera el iPhone 4.


Artie: And that is exactly what we do here. We take the unexplained.. and we just safely tuck it away in this super-sized Pandora’s Box.
Pete: Metaphorically speaking.
Artie: Well, actually, Pandora’s box is over in Aisle 989-B. Empty, of course.

Pete: So this place is filled with, like the worst guys ever, right? -Hitler, Mussolini, Michael Vick…

Father Braid: Are you saying this chair caused all this?
Pete: I know. It’s freaky. This stuff is always freaky.

Myka: Okay, so what are we looking for, Artie? Are we looking for souped-up speakers or Thomas Edison’s wax cylinder?

También me parece brillante que tengan un huevo de Colón, aunque no se sabe qué hace, una bola mágica de Studio 54 o un kit de cuidado de uñas de Clark Gable que, al parecer, provoca que las uñas crezcan muy rápido. Unbelievable. Que también tengan el bate de Babe Ruth, a los americanos del debe de molar mucho, pero a mi me deja indiferente. Si se hicieran con los guantes mágicos de Casillas… eso ya sería otra cosa.

Warehouse 13

Pete: What am I looking for?
Artie: Anything that might cause an electrical or chemical imbalance in the brain.
Pete: Oh, well, so a brain imblancer. That’s easy. It’s probably right next to his time travel machine.

Luego están los habitantes del almacén, esa pequeña y atípica familia a la fuerza. Todos unos friquis. Myka al principio parece que no, pero deséngañemonos, también tiene lo suyo. Leena es la única que desentona, por no entonar demasiado, básicamente, pero es soportable.

Warehouse 13

Artie: What?!
Pete: Cranky is kind of your natural state of being isn’t it?
Artie: What Pleeeease?!

Pete: Okay, fine, but you stick close, and you do exactly as we say.
Claudia: All right. Suicide mission with the team. Kind of exciting. I’m excited! Come on.

Myka: Do you know every former warehouse agent we know is either crazy, evil, or dead?
Pete: Or all three.

Pete: Where did you learn to handle a sword like that?
Myka: Some girls play with Barbies, and some take fencing lessons.

Warehouse 13

Myka y Pete son como dos primos lejanos que pasan el verano en el pueblo discutiendo y peleándose entre aventurilla y aventurilla. Esta dinámica está tan lograda que ni siquiera me apetece que se pongan a jugar a médicos y enfermeras, y que yo diga eso es muy fuerte.

Pete (playing with teletype): News flash, stop. Bering to admit she was wrong, stop. Pig standing by for maiden flight.
Myka: Stop!

Myka: How do we not end up with our brain scrambled, or fried, or blown up, or what every new way to die there could be?
Pete: Look at the bright side, I am usually within ten feet of you, so whatever terrible thing happens to you will happen to me too.
Myka: Comforting.

Myka: You use soap on a rope?
Pete: Hey, I don’t judge your personal hygiene products. Although you might wanna invest and get some moisturizers. You look a little dry around the nose.
Myka: Oh, you want to swap beauty tips. Then we can talk about the hair that’s sprouting from your shoulders, your nose, and, your, umm, ears.

Pete: Done! I win! Ha ha ha ha!
Myka: It’s not a race.
Pete: Said the tortoise to the hare.
Myka: You know, in the story, the tortoise actually wins.
Pete: It’s a fairy tale. How is a turtle going to beat a rabbit?
Myka: It’s not a fairy tale. It’s a fable, a life lesson. «Slow and steady wins the race.»
Pete: Here’s a life lesson. Pete fast, Pete win.

Pete, además, es como una enciclopedia pop culture, y no solamente por las alusiones a Yoda, eso lo puede hacer cualquiera. Las perlitas que suelta no tienen límite. Añado que es un gamberrucio entrañable, y Myka ya lo tiene calado, así que diversión a tope.

Myka: Having intel in the field keeps an agent alive, Pete. But Artie acts like keeping us alive is not a priority. To him we’re just…
Pete: Redshirts?
Myka: Yeah.
Pete: Okay. First, he doesn’t think we’re redshirts. And second, that’s so cool you knew what I meant.

Myka: What did you find?
Pete: Well I checked a few of the dressing rooms and nobody has the picture of Dorian Gray hanging up for decoration.

Myka: I thought the medic might know something so I asked him to meet me after work.
Pete: Good idea. I got a thing to do. But, Myka, I want you to be careful. I want you to use a condom. Heh.
Myka: That’s hilarious.

Myka: There’s three suspects, including Fissel. One was a woman.
Pete: You sure?
Myka: Yeah, I… felt her.
Pete: You touched her boobies?

Myka: Who was that masked man?
Pete: That was no man, that was a superhero. [permalink]

Myka: Well, it’s chapter 197 in the manual.
Pete: It’s a thousand pages long. I’ll wait for the movie.

Pete: Let me guess, you speak Latin too.
Myka: Okay. Make one more nerd joke and I’m going to point out how you’re losing your hair.

Warehouse 13

Otro dúo, más estilo Tom y Jerry: Artie y Claudia. Rápidamente: los dos están como un cencerro. Será por eso que son ideales el uno para el otro, tipo Annie/Daddy Warbucks, por supuesto, y es que parece que de un momento a otro, al final del capítulo y después de discutir y tirarse los trastos a la cabeza, se vayan a poner a cantar eso de I don’t need anything but you.

Artie: Shouldn’t you be in college or something? Don’t you want to be with people your own age?
Claudia: Artie, I’m not my own age.

Artie: You’re lucky I have an emergency travel kit in the trunk of my car.
Claudia: Well, «Serendipity» is my stripper name.

Artie: Just… you know, just to clarify, you decided to re-create a clearly dangerous, potentially deadly experiment?
Claudia: Oh, sure, it sounds bad when you say it like that.

Claudia: Oh, hi, Artie. Hi. Huh, funny story. So I kind of, uh, tried to fix this light bulb, even though you expressly told me not too. And man, have I learned my lesson! You’re so right about the is place. You just never know what to expect. Okay, you’re pissed. Can we move past that part for now and get to the part where you get me down from here?
Artie: That wouldn’t be Volta’s lab coat that you’re wearing?
Claudia: All part of the hilarious story I should really tell you when I’m back on planet Earth.

Warehouse 13

Y luego están mis dos eventuales favoritos: primero, la gran Irene Frederic, tan seria siempre que parece que de un momento a otro los va a echar a todos del almacén y reclutar a Olivia Dunham. Pero no, la señora Frederic nunca haría eso, y lo sabemos.

Frederic: My name’s Frederic.
Pete: Frederic what?
Frederic: Mrs. Frederic.
Pete: Well, that’s a relief.

Artie: Hey, guys, the Phoenix and the Goblet of Severan, Mrs. Frederic says they’ve been taken from the warehouse. And she seemed shaken.
Pete: Mrs. Frederic? Seemed shaken?
Artie: Yeah.
Myka: That is so not comforting.

Theadora: Hi, there, welcome to Ted’s. I’m Theadora, but everyone calls me «Ted.» Party of one?
Artie: (about Mrs. Frederic) No, no, I’m meeting that woman right over there and it’s rarely a party.

Mrs. Frederic: Manage my assets better or I swear on the ashes of the first twelve Warehouses, I will take them away.

Artie: So am I fired?
Mrs. Frederic: Worse. They want you to stay. Bering and Lattimer are not the best agents we’ve ever had. You are.
Artie: They said that?
Mrs. Frederic: It was said. And they were smart enough to believe me.
Artie: Oh. Thanks.
Mrs. Frederic: Simply the facts.

Mark Sheppard

El otro, entrañable en su perenne condición de mega secundario: Mark Sheppard, interpretando a Benedict Valda, uno de esos que están detrás de los misterios del almacén y que, me da mucho, pero mucho, que trigo limpio, no es.

Y no me olvido de los actores invitados: Jewel Staite, Sean Maher, Tricia Helfer, Michael Hogan, Lindsay Wagner… solamente por nombrar los que me caen bien. Un total, completo y absoluto placer.

Por último, cuando la veáis, quedaros con los recursos visuales que utilizan para transicionar escenas o presentar textos en pantalla. Adoro que las series se curren un poco estos pequeños detalles.

Warehouse 13

By the way, también me encatna ese look antiguo donde se mezclan elementos modernos. Me recuerda al capítulo vintage/musical de Fringe.